Unfortunately, I attended the funeral of a family member recently. During it, the pastor allowed for remarks from those in attendance. My cousin went to the podium to speak fondly about the family member, or so I thought. Turns out my cousin, and a few other family members, used the occasion to showcase their unhealed childhood trauma.
Why Seeing Unhealed Childhood Trauma Is Sad
To see an adult with a family still in pain from their unhappy and painful childhood makes one sad. I truly feel sorry for my cousins. We all knew their childhood frankly sucked. And we tried the help whenever we could. Yet, it’s difficult but your family has to take care of their own.
To see their tears and listen to their quivering voices as they spoke about their bad relationship with their parents, and how they developed a parental relationship with the deceased family member is somber. However, what’s worse is how these individuals have not taken the time to get over their unhealed childhood trauma.
Because my cousins continue to harbor their hurt and pain they have a good chance of passing it along to their children. Either directly or indirectly. I don’t want to see that happen.
Steps One Must Take To Resolve Unhealed Childhood Trauma
First, the person needs to seek therapy. My mom came to me later after the funeral and said “Your cousins need therapy.” I totally agree. Yet, many people shun such practice because they think that will make them look weak. Or some can’t afford it.
If the latter is the case, I would seek out speaking to a religious layperson. A pastor, priest, rabbi, imam, someone who can be an objective party. This person will listen to the individual and develop a plan of forgiveness. And this is really important: As one cannot move on unless they let go of the pain and forgive the offending party.
Frankly, I forgave my father a long time ago for abandoning my brother and myself. While many people don’t understand how a parent could leave their kids, I think my father knew he wasn’t going to be a good influence in our lives and did the right thing by leaving. And I thank him for that. After talking with various individuals with mommy and daddy issues over the years, having a parent around isn’t always the best option. Especially if that parent does not want to be there.
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