I Feel Divided

i feel divided

Lately, I feel divided when it comes to working my day-job and my yearnings for self-employment. As you can tell by my tag-line, I’m a creative writing and a tech pro. When you review my Twitter profile I state my day-job in the Technology industry pays the bills. Yet, for the past several months, I find myself losing passion for my day-job. That passion goes more and more toward working for myself.

My History With Self-Employment

I’ve been self-employed twice in my lifetime. The first time was during my mid-20s when I opened a computer repair business. It was my first business and I had no idea what I was doing. I ran it very lean as I didn’t have a storefront and offered to go to customer’s homes to fix their computer. I did this for about a year while working another job but didn’t make any headway, so I closed it down.

My second attempt into self-employment was much more successful. I was maybe 30 or 31 years old at the time. Being wiser, I did my research and had an actual business plan. This time I ran a technology solutions LLC, focusing on small business needing tech support, computer repair, Point-of-Sale work, things like that. I closed this business about two years later when I moved to Atlanta for a full-time position.

Since then, I’ve done some freelance / independent contractor technical work here and there throughout the years.

Why I Feel Divided

The yearning to go back into self-employment was always in me after shutting down my last one. I took up a full-time job to get out of debt. Hence, I shut down my second business. Turns out the plan took much longer than expected.

In July 2019 I became debt-free. From there, I took all my extra money and saved it. At first, I saved it for a down-payment on a house but I changed my mind about buying one over the months. Then in late 2019 I restarted my writing career, which is my first and strongest passion. That increased the yearnings for self-employment. While I kept that feeling in check, I can’t anymore.

I’m failing because I’m creating a new business to help small businesses with their website needs and building their online presence. I announced that on my website a few days ago. Although I’m creating this business slowly, I am so excited about it!

Yet, my day-job still pays the bills right now. Although my expenses are very low, I still need it since I need to save up money for my dreams. However, I’m finding it difficult to care about it. I’m not ungrateful for my job and its benefits. I’m finding it hard to care because I’m building a future elsewhere.

Do I Need A New Job?

Some people when they feel this way find another job to go to but that won’t help me. My mindset is all about following my passions and building a business from those. I see now the time to work for myself is coming soon. Maybe within the next year. Until then, I wait.

I remember a conversation I had with another self-employed individual when I told him I was shutting down my business. He told me he understood why I would go back to working for someone else, but he could never do it. The freedom of self-employment was too strong for him. Now that I feel divided I fully understand what he meant.

Thanks for visiting my website and reading this post! Make sure to bookmark my website so you won’t forget to visit! And remember…

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